How to Practice Self-Compassion: A Guide for Empaths, Caregivers, and Helpers
Self-compassion is the practice of being kind to yourself when you’re struggling, just as you would be with a friend or a loved one. Psychologist Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on the topic, defines it with three core elements:
Self-kindness: Responding to your pain with warmth rather than judgment.
Common humanity: Recognizing that struggle and imperfection are part of the human experience.
Mindfulness: Being present with your emotions without suppressing or exaggerating them.
In short: self-compassion means treating yourself like a human being, not a machine.
Why It’s Especially Hard for Empaths and Caregivers
Empaths, helpers, and those in healing professions often pride themselves on being selfless. But over time, this can backfire.
You may:
Feel guilty when you rest
Hold yourself to impossible standards
Dismiss your own needs as “less important”
Burn out trying to care for everyone else
You might even confuse self-criticism with motivation, thinking, “If I don’t push myself, I’ll fall apart.” But in reality, research shows that self-compassion—not self-criticism—is what builds long-term resilience.
5 Simple Ways to Practice Self-Compassion
In her book The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control, author and therapist Katherine Morgan Schafler writes, “Self-compassion isn’t about forcing yourself to like or love yourself. Self-compassion is a resiliency skill that involves acknowledging pain, holding perspective, and acting with kindness.” You don’t need to overhaul your life to start being kinder to yourself. Here are five small, powerful ways to practice:
1. Talk to Yourself Like a Friend
Next time you mess up or feel overwhelmed, pause. What would you say to someone you love? Try saying those words to yourself.
2. Use Gentle Phrases
When things are hard, say to yourself:
“This is really tough right now.”
“I’m doing the best I can.”
“It’s okay to feel this way.”
3. Validate Your Emotions
You don’t have to fix everything. You just have to acknowledge it. Let your feelings be valid without rushing to “solve” them.
4. Take Breaks Without Earning Them
Rest isn’t a reward. It’s a requirement. Practice taking small breaks throughout your day—before you hit a wall.
5. Write Yourself a Note
Try journaling a few lines to yourself when you feel stuck. Use the tone you’d use with someone who’s hurting and deserves care. (Because you are and you do.)
Self-Compassion Is Not Selfish
One of the biggest myths about self-compassion is that it will make you lazy, selfish, or less effective. In truth, people who practice self-compassion tend to be more resilient, productive, and emotionally available to others.
You can’t pour from an empty cup—but more than that, you shouldn’t have to.
Final Thoughts
Self-compassion isn’t always easy—especially for those who are wired to care for others first. But it’s a practice worth building. It’s a way of saying, “I matter too.”
If you’re ready to explore self-compassion more deeply, I offer therapy empaths, caregivers, and helping professionals who are ready to shift from self-criticism to self-kindness. Contact me here to learn more.