Living from the Inside Out: Why Values Matter More Than You Think
If you’ve ever felt stuck, directionless, or like you’re going through the motions—there’s a good chance you’ve lost touch with your values.
Your values are your internal compass. They aren’t goals or rules or morals. They’re the deeply held beliefs about what truly matters to you.
Things like creativity, honesty, connection, freedom, stability, growth, or service.
When you’re in alignment with your values, your choices feel clearer. Your energy feels more focused. Even hard things feel more bearable, because you know why you’re doing them.
But when you’re out of alignment—when your life looks okay on the outside but feels off inside—that disconnect can show up as anxiety, burnout, resentment, or even a vague sense of numbness.
Why Values Matter More Than Goals
Goals can be checked off.
Values are enduring.
A goal might be: “Get promoted this year.”
A value might be: “Grow professionally and be of meaningful service.”
The goal might happen—or not. But the value? That’s what keeps you grounded, even when circumstances change.
Living a values-based life means you’re not just chasing external achievements or reacting to pressure. You’re choosing actions that reflect who you want to be—not just what you think you should do.
How to Identify Your Core Values
If you’re not sure what your values are, you’re not alone. Most of us aren’t taught how to reflect on this.
Start with these questions:
When do I feel most alive or proud of how I show up?
What do I want to be remembered for?
What qualities do I admire most in others?
When have I felt most at peace—even during difficulty?
What makes me feel connected to something larger than myself?
There are also helpful values lists and card-sorting exercises (like those used in ACT therapy or coaching), but reflection and journaling are great first steps.
Try identifying 5–7 values, then narrow down to 3–5 that feel essential right now. Values can evolve over time depending on life stage and context.
What Happens When You're Out of Alignment
Living out of sync with your values can quietly wear you down.
You might:
Say “yes” when you mean “no”
Over-function for others and neglect yourself
Stay in jobs, relationships, or routines that don’t reflect your truth
Feel tired, irritable, or stuck—but unsure why
This misalignment often shows up as chronic stress, resentment, perfectionism, or emotional burnout. You may appear “fine” to others but feel unfulfilled or disconnected inside.
Sometimes the cure isn’t doing more. It’s coming back to yourself.
Aligning Your Behavior with Your Values
You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. Small shifts matter.
Here’s how to start living more in alignment:
Name your top 3 values
(e.g., connection, growth, creativity)Look at how you spend your time and energy
Where are you investing in those values? Where are you going against them?Choose one small way to realign
Example: If you value creativity but feel stuck in routine, take 30 minutes a week to draw, write, or make something. If you value connection, schedule time for a real conversation—even if it's brief.Practice saying no with your values in mind
A values-based “no” is a powerful act of self-respect. You're not being selfish—you’re being intentional.
Final Thought
You can’t control everything about your life. But you can decide to live in a way that feels true to you.
Values aren’t just abstract ideas. They’re anchors.
When life is chaotic or unclear, your values can help you find your way back to what matters.
Not perfectly. Not all at once. But enough to feel more grounded, more authentic, and more you.
Want support clarifying your values or learning how to live more in alignment?
One of my favorite parts of my work with clients is helping them reconnect with their values and incorporate values-based living. Therapy can help you reconnect with your inner compass—and build a life that reflects who you truly are. If you’d like to schedule a free consultation call, click here.